I once had a dream where I was at a party with a few friends. Everything was going routinely until I met this girl. I think one of my boys introduced us. She was so amazing to look at that I couldn’t notice anyone else. I can’t remember much about her features, but I do remember that she had a great smile and she was light skinned. I don’t know why she was light skinned but I know someone’s read this and said “Colourism” out loud while shaking their head.
She liked me too (holy shit! Holy Shit! HOLY SHIT!) So we ended up kissing. Suddenly, my boys start murmuring amongst themselves on the other side of the room. I can see and hear the gist of their conversation (remember, it’s a dream). My vision zooms out and pans back to me and homegirl. “I can’t believe he’s doing it,” I hear. The tone of this intrigued me so before I knew it, I was standing in front of them asking “What’s up?”
“She’s Trans, my boy,” said one of them.
I looked back at her and said “Damn, she’s pretty though.”
I think what brought on this dream was a tweet I saw recently that was in response to a headline that read ‘Lavergne Cox says men who don’t date Trans women are insecure’. I didn’t read the article because the tweet made it seem unnecessary. The dude responded with “Insecurities >>> sucking your girl’s dick”.
Now, personally, I believe that not wanting to sleep with a person because of the colour of their skin is irrational because race, in itself, is a flawed concept. The cultural norms in races aren’t iron clade and there are more differences in physical features within some races than there are between them. Now, there’s been an argument raised for trans women that echoes a similar sentiment. It essentially says that if it is illogical to not want to date someone, purely based on race, then logic dictates that you should also be able to date trans women; ‘keep the same energy,’ so to speak.
When I first started writing this article, I was under the impression that all trans women were still in transition; i.e. still had a penis. After a little research, I found that there is a difference between transsexual women and transgender women. This should’ve been obvious because I once had a discussion with a few friends that made me realise just how much I don’t know. “If someone goes through all that effort to become a woman then shouldn’t we just call them women?” I proclaimed naively. “You’re making the mistake of thinking that sex and gender are the same thing,” she said. Anyways, I’m not going to pretend that I have a firm grasp on the concepts. If I’m completely honest, I don’t think I want to learn, and that’s just because I’m lazy.
I’m also reminded of a conversation I had with a mutual acquaintance. They asked, “If you were dating someone and then found out they were Trans, about a year in, what would you do?” Tod from Bojack Horseman once said “Well, the seal is broken. Might as well enjoy myself,” and my response was similar in both tone and sentiment. I don’t know what he was looking for, but he then went on to try to find the limits of my mind. “Would you date them if you found them attractive but they were still in transition?”(Now that I think about it, this could’ve reinforced my ignorance.) I told him that a penis is a deal breaker.
The question then is, if she’s fully transitioned and I’m aware of said transition, would I still smash? I honestly don’t know. Like getting distracted before a flu shot, I’d probably prefer it to be a surprise after the fact. However, if all trans women did this then we’d probably accuse them of being deceitful. I’ve never been in this situation so I cannot say for certain really. I wish I could think of something quotable to say to wrap this piece up and make it meaningful but I can’t (probably because of the ignorance). I think a quote from a specialist in sexual orientation would be a pretty good substitute.
“There are hormonal sweet spots where trans women can transition and be effectively indistinguishable at a certain level form cis women… So being unwilling to date on the basis of someone being trans, rather than on the basis of individual stimuli is something I would personally call transphobic” – Dr. Liadh Timmins.