Why You’re Unhappy In Your Relationships

In South Africa, there’s an epidemic of informal prostitution known as blessing. Young women trade sexual favours for gifts from older men. These older men are called Blessers. These young women are called blessee’s, because they receive ‘blessings’ from ‘blessers’.

This form of prostitution has been around for a long time.

However, new technologies like social media, have made it popular. Instagram being one of them. Instagram is a picture sharing social media platform. People post pictures of what they ate, where they’ve been or what they’ve done.

People also share their opinions, in the form of pictures. One of the most popular topics on Instagram, are relationship goals.

Relationship goals are what people want from a relationship. But, due to the nature of Instagram, the relationship goals people post about, revolve around what is seen, and not felt.

As a result, material relationship goals are the ones promoted on Instagram.

Thus, people who use Instagram, often fall into the trap of believing that material relationship goals, are the goal of any relationship.

This, contributes to the newly formed culture of prostitution in South Africa. Young women sell their bodies for trips to Dubai, so they can post their trips on Instagram.

Unfortunately, relationships involve more than what the eye can see. They involve matters that the heart can feel.

Furthermore, a relationship doesn’t end when these relationship goals are achieved. Thus, these women continue to sell their sexuality, for more things they can take pictures of.

These young women, are often objectified and seen as inferior, by these older men. They indulge in unprotected sex for a pair of bloody shoes. They trade their souls and dignity for a picture and a thousand likes.

A lot of people trade their relationship with time for things they can see, materials.

People trade their happiness for relationship goals, only to realize, that goal hasn’t made them any happier.

People believe joy is found in the things that can be seen. They forget it’s a feeling.

Instead, they leverage the time they have, for gifts. They prostitute their lives away, for money. They sell their souls, for a new car and a new house. A relationship shouldn’t be centered around goals. Forming healthy relationship habits is better.

If you work a job you hate, with people you don’t like because the pay is good; you’re a prostitute.

Goals focus on the future, at the expense of the now. They focus on what one can see. They’re usually in the form of a vision. That vision, leads us to sacrifice what we feel, for what we dreamed. They lead us to ignore what we need, for what we want.

Once we achieve that goal, a new one arises. We end up chasing the future, never enjoying the now. We look for happiness out there, instead of in here.

Habits are healthier than goals. They force people to turn inward, not outward. They force people to focus on what they feel, instead of what they see. They force people to think about their relationship with time, and not their goals.

A good habit is a habit that’s sustainable. A habit that contributes positively to our lives. With enough discipline, our potential for growth is exponential.

But without it, our descent into hell is too.


This is an excerpt from, How To Live Forever: A Guide To Transcending Your Limitations.

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