Lose Your Ideas (excerpt)

  1. Introduction to Idealism


The nature of our existence has become very idealistic. We use ideas when we think of what is right and wrong. We use them when we’re looking for information on what to do in real life. However, reality is not just a compilation of ideas. It’s a mixture of thought and matter.

For example, a lot of guys, myself included, have ideas on what a guy should be like and what he should do. But, some of these ideas aren’t true. Sometimes, I’ll see a girl I’m attracted to and I’ll be too shy to introduce myself. I know a guy shouldn’t be scared of woman but hey, I’m human and these things happen.

The problem isn’t whether I approach or not, but how I judge myself for not living up to the ideas in my head. One should always remember that whatever happens in your head, happened in your head. No matter how real, truthful or omnipotent the activities in your head feel, they are only happening in your head. This is idealism, believing in our ideas as if they were real.


  1. The World of Idealism


The world of ideas has become more real than reality. As a result, it affects how people experience reality. I know that happens to me. It happens when I speak to girls because the world of relationships is filled with ideas. Ideas on how relationships should be, how they should look like, what elements they should contain, and not enough focus is spent on how they actually are.

People are different. Men are different, women are different, even transgenders are different. Some men are more masculine than others. Some more promiscuous, and that is the same with women. Some women are more nurturing, others bitchier. There’s nothing wrong with this until our ideas enter the picture.

Since idealism doesn’t exist in the physical plane, it has the benefit of avoiding certain rules and laws. For starters, ideas are sold as a one size fits all. I realized this when I studied human relationships and what attracted women to men. The ideas I found were sold as ideas which can be accepted and applied universally, as if they transcended culture and boarders. This was not true. I learned that with the mystery method. A method I tried to use to pick up women.

After failing to pick up women with the mystery method, I searched the internet for new ideas. They all fed me beliefs on how I should be. Some of these ideas seemed to work and some of them didn’t, but I tried them on anyway. Till my friend mentioned something, these ideas were created in a different context than the one I lived in. Some of these ideas didn’t apply to me. So I tried something else. I started looking for ideas from the people around me.

I asked people I knew for their ideas on relationships. Some of their ideas were similar to the ones I had already read, and some of them were new. I applied them and got results. Sometimes I didn’t. But along the way, I stopped looking at ideas and started looking at the fruits these ideas bore. I stopped wondering whether treating a girl badly would attract her or not and started wondering if she was somebody I wanted to attract.

That’s when the world of idealism started to show its face. I started to notice how we all have ideas in our head. Ideas on who we are, who we should be and how life should be like. I noticed that people put different values on different ideas. Some people valued their ideas on the type of person they should be. As such, they set out their lives that way.

For example, I knew a friend who spoke about being a “ladies-man” before he was a ladies-man. As time went by, he structured his life in a way that allowed him to become a ladies-man. The idea was realized, but the idealism came with pain and struggles he never anticipated. The ideas in his head were spared the responsibility of adjusting to the laws of reality. The ladies-man lifestyle came with sacrifices and responsibilities he wasn’t prepared for. Pretty soon, he started looking for new ideas to value.

The challenge to transcend idealism has not been easy. Most of my existence, since I learnt to think, has been based on idealism. Before I do something, I imagine how that experience would be like. Even though, the idea of doing something is different from actually doing it. Idealism has tainted my perception of reality for as long as I can remember. My aim is to remove the shades that the mind pulls over our eyes, so we can learn to see reality as it is and not how it should be.

What are some ideas that you have? What are some ideas that you would like to remove? Walk with me as we leave the world of idealism. Letting go of your ideas may not make you richer or more successful, since these realities tend to function on the currency of ideas. However, it will make you happier. Happiness is a reality. It doesn’t exist in our ideas, it exists right now.


This is an excerpt from Lose Your Ideas: How To Stop Your Mind From Ruining Your Relationships

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